KUNG FU KINTAE
DOB: April 23, 1982
Height: 6-0
Mastered Styles: Karate, Capoeira, Jeet Kune Do
Although he is one of the greatest Kung Fu agents in history and also one of the blackest, the tale of how Kung Fu Kintae came to be at the Kung Fu Agency is somewhat tragic. His father, a prominent rapper in the late 1970′s, was brutally murdered following a Kool Moe Dee concert (At which Kung Fu Kintae’s father had also performed, according to The General) and his mother died giving birth to him (Kung Fu Kintae was born with his ridiculously large Afro which made child labor too difficult for his mother, also according to The General). Being a close family friend, The General decided to adopt Kung Fu Kintae and teach him the ways of Kung Fu. Having been fully trained, Kung Fu Kintae now has one goal and one goal alone: Defending the DMV area against all that is evil.
SOUL GLO-BOT
DOB: Unknown
Height: 6-6
Mastered Styles: Shinkendo, Judo, Hung Fut, Aikido
The identity of this large human cyborg remains unknown (Unless you already watched Episode 2). What is known is that he is a formidable opponent and Master Who’s most dangerous assassin. And for some reason he still wears the very outdated Jheri curl hairstyle.
PHUK KIM
DOB: Unknown
Height: 6-3
Mastered Styles: Han Mu Do, Shinobi
One-half of Chuckie Chan’s duo of henchmen, Phuk Kim, much like his accomplice, Blesh Shue, is a master in the art of Shinobi. He possesses the ability to sneak up on anyone at any time. He is an extremely dangerous seamstress.
BLESH SHUE
DOB: Unknown
Height: 6-3
Mastered Styles: Han Mu Do, Shinobi
One-half of Chuckie Chan’s duo of henchmen, Blesh Shue, much like his accomplice, Phuk Kim, is a master in the art of Shinobi. He possesses the ability to sneak up on anyone at any time. He is an extremely dangerous collector of Pogs.
CHUCKIE CHAN
DOB: March 27, 1952
Height: 5-9
Mastered Styles: Monkey Kung Fu, Leopard Kung Fu, Quidditch Kung Fu, Drunken Boxing
A strange villain the likes of which the world has never seen, Chuckie Chan has always had a pension for evil. Once a rising member of the notorious Mah Ching gang, he defected in the late 1980′s after the gang leader made fun of him for wearing Parachute Pants. In retaliation to the insult, Chan poisoned most of the gang and its leader with laxatives with the intention of making them ruin their non-Parachute Pants, an act which would result in their accidental deaths by fatally explosive diarrhea. The incident was called “The Brown Dragon Massacre.” After hearing of this devious act, Master Who recruited Chan to help him in undertaking various illegal activities in the DMV area, a choice Master Who regrets every day. Chan secretly wishes to one day overthrow Master Who and replace him as the kingpin of the DMV area, that is, if he can stop Kung Fu Kintae from getting in his way.
MASTER WHO
DOB: Unknown
Height: 5-8
Mastered Styles: Unknown
Very little is known about the mysterious powerful evil figure known as Master Who. He is responsible for 99.999999999999999999999999999998% of the crime in the DMV area, yet he has continued the successfully elude the authorities for decades. The inability of anyone to learn his identity has lead to speculation that he is either paying someone within the system, or worse, he IS within the system. Cold and calculated, the only thing more sinister than Master Who is his frog-like voice.
ANGEL ZHANG
DOB: February 28, 1990
Height: 5-7
Mastered Styles: Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, La Mano Negra, Jujutsu
Half Chinese, Half Dominican, and Half deadly and beautiful…………..wait……
Abandoned at birth, Angel learned to fend for herself on the mean inner city streets of the DMV. After seeing Angel’s potential as she fought off a group of overly obese midgets, The General recruited Angel to the Kung Fu Agency when she was 13, and since then she’s become an extremely lethal Kung Fu Agent.
CHIEF RICHARD HEAD
DOB: August 6, 1964
Height: 6-1
Mastered Styles: Boxing, Wrestling
The chief of police for the entire DMV area. He aids the Kung Fu Agency in its quest to stop Master Who. As a young child growing up in Boston he was once kicked in the head by former NBA legend, Larry Bird, the result of which caused a weird speech impediment.
THE GENERAL
DOB: October 9, 1932
Height: 6-0 (5-0 in wheelchair)
Mastered Styles: Aikido, Jeet Kune, DoJujutsu, Jailhouse rock, Karate, Muay Thai
The leader of the entire Kung Fu Agency for the past fifty years, The General has seen his fair share of battles; enough to make him a bitter old man who hates nearly all people. Now that he is confined to a wheel chair after slipping on a bar of soap in the shower, he has retired from being a field Kung Fu Agent and has relegated his duties to solely recruiting and training Kung Fu Agents and coordinating missions with the U.S. government.
DAN-O
DOB: December 4, 1986
Height: 5-10
Mastered Styles: Krav Maga, Dragon Kung Fu, Tai Chi Chuan
Dan-O embodies the concept of nerdom. Raised in the suburbs of the DMV, his passion for games such as Warcraft and Quake, led him to pursue a Computer Science degree at MIT. Although he is quite adept at computer programming, his first love has always been Kung Fu. He is an expert on the technical aspects of most martial arts styles and although he lacks the physical prowess of a Kung Fu master (Because of his wimpy Jew body as The General often says) he still dreams of one day becoming an active Kung Fu agent.
